Journal (2020-05-22)

1.

I have been doing Vispasana meditation like about a year ago. I have tried everyone's way of Osho, Sri Sri ravishankar, Gautam Buddha. I am having sattvic foods daily, devouring spiritual books constantly, along with discourses and all. And Sure, the meditation is my everyday karma. And a few things I have been getting from last month are as follow :

- It feels like this body wants to tear apart, something wants to escape from this body.

- The third eye is constantly in pain.

- I can feel minute things happening in my body. [The heartbeat, flow of energy]

- I can easily identify what people will say next.

- Every sound is getting louder and intense to my ears.

- I can feel anything before, before its occurring.

- Suppressed things like (anger,) are getting out. Remaining fears of my body are going out.

- Constantly catching and aware of all the ego events that occur side by my face. Why this and all.

Watching my conditioning regularly and often. Conditioning was deep by the way.

2.

If you develop a product without understanding the market you have two things: you see a great future with your product but also you feel like you don't know about working in the market.

And if you go to understand the market for the product, you will again have two things: you don't see same future for your product as you see before ( even though the product is new and innovative) and in the same hand, you feel like you know about market but you don't.

Its all solace for fearful mind.

3.

Each and every single teenager wants to be loved by someone, to have experience of love physically, emotionally, and psychologically. The broken ones are clever now. Before getting into it, they check every mistake of the old one in the new one. And find the love again, after the condition verification.

The more mistake is in the term "urge". The urge has increased because of media, surroundings, colleges, and school environments and friends.